My boyfriend says he wants to marry me but he hasn't proposed...?

My boyfriend says he wants to marry me but he hasn't proposed...?

Postby alvan » Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:12 pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. We've recently been talking a lot about marriage. When I bring up anything about getting engaged, it's almost like he shuts down. In the past, we have talked about what type of engagement rings I like and he even asked me what my "dream" engagement ring would be. Now when I bring up the subject of us getting engaged or why he hasn't proposed yet, he says it's because he wants to get me my dream ring and he doesn't have the money for it right now. I've told him that instead of a 1.5 ct ring, we could always get my "dream" ring in a 1 ct, which would cut the price down quite significantly. He tells me that he doesn't want me to have to "settle" with a ring...he wants to get me the one I want. So I've asked him if he could at least give me a timeline as to when he thinks he'd be able to buy the ring and propose but he always tells me that he doesn't know. Is this his way of trying to stall the engagement process because he's not sure if he wants to marry me? Or do you think that he really does want to give me exactly what I want and I should be patient? Any advice would be helpful! Thanks in advance!
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My boyfriend says he wants to marry me but he hasn't proposed...?

Postby hastiin100 » Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:14 pm

It really sounds like he's stalling, most people for one thing would have an idea of how long, and how it sounds like he acts, he's trying to avoid the idea right now. Entirely or just for the moment is unclear, but overall he is avoiding it.
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My boyfriend says he wants to marry me but he hasn't proposed...?

Postby butch44 » Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:16 pm

It really sounds like he's stalling, most people for one thing would have an idea of how long, and how it sounds like he acts, he's trying to avoid the idea right now. Entirely or just for the moment is unclear, but overall he is avoiding it.
Personally I believe you're over analyzing the matter at hand, you're still together, nothings going wrong and he's trying to get you a ring you said would be your "dream" ring, he's not doing it to impress you.. But to make you as happy as he possibly can, I believe you've got yourself a good man, marriage also isn't something that's to be rushed, don't you worry surely you'll be getting your ring soon :)
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My boyfriend says he wants to marry me but he hasn't proposed...?

Postby corliss13 » Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:18 pm

Whatever you do, don't rush him. My story: From day 1, my (now ex) told me he wanted to marry me, but I wasn't ready. Finally, last September I decided I was ready to get married, so we talked about it and decided to go for it. We planned the wedding for June and I started planning things. A month ago, he tells me that he doesn't want to get married because he isn't sure what he wants in life. It was terrible and sucked and I feel stupid for letting it happen. My point is, you may have been together for 2.5 years, and talk a lot about marriage and you want to get ready, but if he hasn't asked, then there is a reason for it. Don't push him too hard. He might ask you just to get you off his back.
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My boyfriend says he wants to marry me but he hasn't proposed...?

Postby adalgar » Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:19 pm

When you tell your boyfriend your dream ring is 1.5 carats, chances are you just set yourself up to wait until he has enough cash to get you the bling. When my fiance and I started talking about it, I told him the ring wasn't the issue - the commitment was.
If you have a feeling he's stalling, that's a different issue . But the only way to know is to sit down and talk with him. And keep the ring out of the conversation - it has nothing to do with you trying to figure out if you're both seeing the same future together.
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My boyfriend says he wants to marry me but he hasn't proposed...?

Postby hayes29 » Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:21 pm

Its hard to know for sure. I do know that when my best friend's boyfriend was buying her a ring, he frustrated her to no end. All she wanted to talk about was marriage and he, well, shut down. I knew he was buying her a ring because I was helping him, but I didn't want to give away his secret. I found her pestering and wondering about the ring and engagement super annoying and I wasn't even the finace. I couldn't tell her what he was doing because, well, that would be awful. Instead I told her to be patient. Sure enough he proposed. :)

If he isn't sure he wants to marry you and is stalling, thats ok too. Don' you want him to really want to marry you? To be 100% sure that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you? I mean, it makes the whole getting married thing way more special not to feel you've been pestered into marriage.

In any event, I say be patient. If he wants to marry you, he will propose. 2.5 years isn't that long. My friend waited 4.
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My boyfriend says he wants to marry me but he hasn't proposed...?

Postby wystan15 » Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:23 pm

Plain and smple, when it's right, it's right -
he's not ready, and if he's gearing up, you need to let him do that.
It isn't about how big the ring is, it whether you can meet in the middle, and do things together as a team. For now, you need to stop flogging him, and let it happen when you are both ready. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you pressure him into doing something he isn't really ready for, or doing it your way instead of letting him do it for you.

I don't know what a timeline would be for, unless you're building a house. Relationships grow by themselves, at their own pace. Let it be.
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My boyfriend says he wants to marry me but he hasn't proposed...?

Postby malcolm17 » Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:25 pm

Plain and smple, when it's right, it's right -
he's not ready, and if he's gearing up, you need to let him do that.
It isn't about how big the ring is, it whether you can meet in the middle, and do things together as a team. For now, you need to stop flogging him, and let it happen when you are both ready. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you pressure him into doing something he isn't really ready for, or doing it your way instead of letting him do it for you.

I don't know what a timeline would be for, unless you're building a house. Relationships grow by themselves, at their own pace. Let it be.
By "been together" do you mean sharing a household and a bed? Because if so, you've fallen into the reality of living as if you were married without going through any of the formalities, and there isn't a lot of motivation for either of you to change the status quo. Really, what difference will a ring and a proposal make?

If you think your boyfriend is unsure about marriage, then you had better consider what your options are. "Unsure" means there is a chance he may decide against marrying you. What will you do then? Or, he may just never get around to making up his mind. How long do you want to wait around for someone else to decide your future for you?

Maybe the problem isn't that your boyfriend is UNsure about marriage: maybe it's that he's TOO sure about you. If you get on with preparing to live a live that doesn't have him in it, he may realize what a good thing he's got and get off his stick for fear of losing you. Of course by then, you may just realize that you don't need him. There are a lot of other men out there, and you can get on just fine without a man, too.
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