My husband constantly accuses me of cheating?

My husband constantly accuses me of cheating?

Postby walbrydge54 » Wed Apr 27, 2011 3:51 pm

My husband and I have been married for 7 years and the whole time he has accused me of cheating on him.I have never been unfaithful to him or even given him a reason to think this. His son's mother and him broke up because he kept accusing her of cheating on him because she would occasionally go out with her friends on weekends.
I am not allowed to have any friends except his friends' wives/girlfriends. I do not go anywhere except to work and the grocery store.When I'm at the grocery store he calls me constantly asking me where I'm at, what I'm doing and when I tell him I'm grocery shopping he wants to know every item in the shopping cart. When I get home from the grocery store with groceries he tells me that I was gone too long and I was lying about being at the grocery store-then asks to see my receipt with the date and time on it and when I show him he still says I'm lying.
He threatens me all the time saying he's going to burn the house down when he finds out who I'm cheating on him with. He tells me he's going to wait outside my work and shoot everyone who comes out. He wants to know every single e-mail and text I get and goes through my phone only to see e-mails from Walmart, Sony and texts from my brother and news alerts. He went through my drawers the other day (underwear/sock, pajama drawers)-said he was looking for his clothes. When I asked him why would his clothes be in with my underwear or pajamas he wants to know why I'm getting so defensive and that I must be hiding something from him. Now everytime I go to grab a clean pair of socks or underwear I notice everything in the drawer is in disaray like someone was rooting through it.
He's told me before that he's going to beat my dad up and shoot my brother because I've told him that neither of them appreciate the way he treats me. The last weekend we had his son I headed to bed a little past 11pm and he "interrogated" me on why I was going to bed at such an early hour on a Saturday night. When I said I was tired because I woke up early to clean the house he called me a cheating mother f*er right in front of his son. During one fight we had when he was accusing me of cheating he actually called his mom and told her that I had a boyfriend-she told him that he was full of it and hung up on him. This isn't even the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the accusations and interrogations.
I don't have any reason to believe that he's cheating because he goes to work and is home shortly after and doesn't go anywhere else. So I don't think he's accusing me because he feels guilty or anything. By the way, he's an alcoholic and a drug addict (currently taking suboxone for pain pill addiction). When I tell him I'm tired of him constantly accusing me of cheating on him and making comments saying I have a boyfriend he tells me that he's just joking. He doesn't help me financially (mortgage, bills, groceries, pet bills, etc) even though he has a job. He blames it on the fact he pays child support and pays for his suboxone program. His mom pays the majority of the child support and he earns more money than I do a year.
He brought a puppy (Milo) home back in October and I pay for everything for him like shots, food, flea preventative, etc.I make sure he has food and water and let him out to go potty.I take him for walks most of the time and make sure he has plenty of toys and chew sticks to keep him occupied while we're at work. Milo sleeps in the bed with us but will only snuggle up next to me. And when my husband has a yelling fit Milo always runs to me for protection thinking he's the one getting yelled at. My husband told me last night that he was taking HIS dog and moving back in with his parents. When I questionned him and said I thought he was the family dog he said no the dog is his.Everything he buys is HIS and everything I buy is ours-according to him.
Lately I've been refusing to have s** with him because I'm just so fed up with him. Not only with the accusations but also the alcohol abuse and not helping financially. He told me all our problems are my fault but when I told him he needs to look at himself and about the accusations he told me I was making it all up because of my birth control pills and the pills are making me crazy. I'm on the verge of telling him to just take Milo and leave since I'm sick of the threats. What should I do and is he even allowed to take anything with him if he does leave?
walbrydge54
 
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My husband constantly accuses me of cheating?

Postby eiladar » Wed Apr 27, 2011 3:53 pm

My dear, you have an addict that is nowhere near using a twelve step program. Guys really don't understand women and why they don't need s** the way men think they do. When a woman is not having s** with their husband, the husband figures that it must be because she is getting it somewhere else. I know its wrong and you know its wrong, but your hubby thinks he has it figured out and that's why he's not having s** with you. Now, I am not saying that you two need to have s**, I am just explaining a (some) guys point of view. His actions and abuse should not warrant any affection from you at this time, and none in the immediate future either, but expect the accusations to continue because you are not having s**. I realize that there are tons of comments everyday about someone needing counseling, but in your husband's case, he definitely needs to talk to professionals and correct his toxic behavior. I am not one of the people that will tell you to get a divorce, because I tend to hope for the best, so I am hoping that he gets help and you get the love and caring husband that you deserve. Best wishes.
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My husband constantly accuses me of cheating?

Postby evyn » Wed Apr 27, 2011 3:54 pm

paragraphs help with a long question - use them often.

sometimes the person who is cheating will accuse the innocent party.

Or it could be that this is his way of controlling you - making you feel like you always have to prove yourself.

He's abusive. See an attorney about what he can and can't take.
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My husband constantly accuses me of cheating?

Postby eardley60 » Wed Apr 27, 2011 3:57 pm

The problem is that he a control freak with escalating and dangerous behavior. I would call a local battered womens shelter. Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all.
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My husband constantly accuses me of cheating?

Postby forgael4 » Wed Apr 27, 2011 3:59 pm

Then you can cheat.
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My husband constantly accuses me of cheating?

Postby colver43 » Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:00 pm

It's odd to me that you chose to marry someone who doesn't trust you.
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My husband constantly accuses me of cheating?

Postby hedley » Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:02 pm

I've done that several times to my husband. For me, it's not guilt or control. I always feel bad about it because he's NEVER given me reason to believe it. He avoids other women and completely snubs them. I do it out of mix of insecurity and past experiences. I quit trusting men a long time ago. Almost turned full lesbian until I met my husband.

Just get out of the relationship and try to take the dog. If a man abuses a lady most of the time, they'll do it to the dog too. You do enough to call Milo your dog plus it's best for the caring owner to protect the innocent.

He is abusive and may turn violent if he hasn't already. It's hard to see it, they call it battered wives syndrome. It's common and hard to get over until you're safely away from the guy. (I had a bad case of it for almost 2 years).
hedley
 
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My husband constantly accuses me of cheating?

Postby tarran16 » Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:04 pm

He is controlling you.


Yes, he is allowed to take things when he leaves, you need to inventory your things and FAIRLY divide things up. If he takes more than his share then take him to small claims court.

If you are going to put him out first tuck away your precious belongings at a friend/ family member's home.

Second, consider having someone else present when this goes down... I smell a LOT of potential for trouble here.
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My husband constantly accuses me of cheating?

Postby trynt » Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:06 pm

Your married.. depending on state laws.. u may live in a state where anything bought previous to ur marriage is to stay with that person, but anything bought after the marriage is to be divided fairly.

You created a monster.. u didnt mean to, but u allowed him to control the show for way to long, and u enable his control over u and now he's a spoiled little brat.. let him go.. and if he doesnt leave, then u leave.. no one should live like a prisoner esp. if they didnt do anything to breach the marriage to have to pay that kind of price.. good luck
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My husband constantly accuses me of cheating?

Postby lynsey21 » Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:07 pm

Insecurity and threatened. If ur a pretty to a gorgeous woman men do have security problems. He thinks that ur 2 good for him. And ur turning down for s** that does not make it any better. Trust. It's love trying 2 get out but he's doing it all wrong. Next time he accuses u of having a affair, try reassuring him by giving him a complement. Guys like them too u know. But u dont let what he say bother u 'cause arguing never solves anything. You urself become the better person.
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