The US stands to turn a hefty profit with the new sale price of $2.85 trillion. This sale will dramatically reduce the debt, buying the US precious time to rework the budget and find a way to keep the rising debt at bay.
“We initially thought that leasing the state back to the Russians would be an option but we soon discovered that the cost to administer the lease would actually cause us to go further into debt,” explained Sen. Lisa Murkoski R-AK, “That is why we opted to sell it instead. We tried to sell Puerto Rico too but no one wanted it. We had several open houses but no bites, not a one.”
This decision has not been met without extreme outrage by the American public, especially by the citizens of Alaska.
“Just because Sara Palin is from Alaska does not mean that we should be treated like a second class state that can just be sold off on a whim,” said local Alaskan business owner, Bill Kumberlan, “this sale is going to make my life a nightmare, no one on my staff speaks Russian.”
It is unclear what other drastic measures Congress may need to take in order to deal with America’s enormous debt. But if Canada wants to make an offer on Vermont, we will gladly take it. They’ve always wanted to succeed anyway.