I'm STUCK with my husband yet I'm in love with a married man who won't leave his wife! What should I do?

I'm STUCK with my husband yet I'm in love with a married man who won't leave his wife! What should I do?

Postby devland » Tue Jun 21, 2011 12:55 am

My husband and I have been married for almost 33 years. Our only child is 31 years old with a husband and a 7-month old son. I swore this marriage would be over the moment my daughter first left home for college but I'm still here. At this point, my husband and I are just comfortable with each other. We're in our fifties and frankly, we don't need to be apart at this point in our lives. Together, we keep bills paid and mortgage paid. We sleep in separate bedrooms. We love each other but the "in love" part is dead and decayed. What he does with those WHORES is his business as long as it doesn't happen in our house. I'm way past the stage of crying and wondering what other woman's bed he's in. Also, what I do with other men is my business, AGAIN, as long as it doesn't happen in our house. My husband and I have s** on a VERY RARE occasion, mostly due to boredom or if its one of our birthdays or something. Other than that, I don't touch him and I tell him to keep his hands OFF of me.

Anyway, I've been deeply in love with this younger man for the past 6 years. He's 35 years old(19 years younger than me). He's in this pathetic, immature marriage. He and his wife have two sons together(ages 17 and 15). One minute he loves her, the next minute he wants a divorce and then the very next minute, their trying to work it out. Just a month ago, he took his wife to the Bahamas for their tenth anniversary. I saw the love in their eyes from the pictures I've seen on facebook. My heart was broken but as a married woman myself, I can't be a hypocrite.

Now today, he's telling me that since his boys are both 18, he wants me to leave my husband, patiently wait for him and he'll leave his wife once his sons leave home. I know he loves me but he must think I'm stupid. He will never leave his wife even though I want him to. This man thinks just because I'm not even in love with my husband anymore that I have nothing to lose if I were to leave. NO. My life is comfortable the way it is. My husband and I respect each other and leave each other alone. All I wanted to do was to spend time with my boyfriend whenever he gets time away from his wife. I never PRESSURED him to leave her, since I'm not leaving mine. So, why is he stressing the issue? What should I say to him INSTEAD OF breaking it off? Advice?
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I'm STUCK with my husband yet I'm in love with a married man who won't leave his wife! What should I do?

Postby cortlandt81 » Tue Jun 21, 2011 12:57 am

While I dont agree with you calling the women your husband sleeps with whores, yet you sleep around behind your husbands back....someone could easily call you the same.



I can appreciate the complicatedness of this situation, but dont leave your husband just for this other man's word and 'wait' for him. Hes young and wishy-washy....give him space to ultimately make his decision....maybe he truly does love and belong with his wife. It would be best to cut him out of your life completely until he makes his choice (absence makes the heart grow fonder as well).

You say youre 'comfortable' with your husband...does that just mean financially? Your marriage is truly holding you back from being free and pursuing new love 100% Although it may not be with the man you mentioned here. Get on your own, you owe it to yourself....lifes too short to stay unhappy. Youre only 55 and have ALOT more living to do......And by all means DELETE your facebook page!
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I'm STUCK with my husband yet I'm in love with a married man who won't leave his wife! What should I do?

Postby bradlea28 » Tue Jun 21, 2011 12:58 am

take god's word and you won't mess with the man's relationship
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I'm STUCK with my husband yet I'm in love with a married man who won't leave his wife! What should I do?

Postby iason33 » Tue Jun 21, 2011 1:01 am

Let him work out his marriage and you should try to do the same with yours. You obviously both have many changes to make since you indicate that you have been cheating on each other for years. You can either continue in the sham of a marriage that you describe or you can do something about it. Either you can go back to what attracted you to each other in the beginning or you can call it quits and find peace being alone. What you are doing may seem comfortable but I think breaking away from it would prove quite liberating.
This is your choice and nobody can make it for you. Decide what you want out of life and plan the proper steps to get there.
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I'm STUCK with my husband yet I'm in love with a married man who won't leave his wife! What should I do?

Postby ryton69 » Tue Jun 21, 2011 1:02 am

Wow.

So now you are the other woman. How sad of you.

Im sorry your marriage sucks, but you have actively chosen to stay in it. You need to back the f*** away from this other man and let his marriage take whatever course its going to. Your heartless interfering is BEYOND evil. I would use a nicer word, but lets be honest. You are hurt, so you feel like you deserve it in some way.

How can you cause the same hurt to this woman you dont know, and his kids, that you have suffered? How can you even contemplate that? Regardless of whether you mention that he should leave her, YOU are alienating his affections and confusing the sh** out of him. You said it yourself, you "saw the love in their eyes". You are destroying a family (with problems, sure) that love each other.

Disgusting. Seriously. Leave your husband and find someone AVAILABLE. Stop the cycle of selfish destruction.
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I'm STUCK with my husband yet I'm in love with a married man who won't leave his wife! What should I do?

Postby mahieu43 » Tue Jun 21, 2011 1:05 am

Yes You can't be a hypocrite. There are more lives effected here than yours. And his. There are multiple other lives that are effected by your actions. Be integral and live up to the covenants of marriage that you both made to your legally and lawfully wedded spouses.

That is the right thing to do. That is the unselfish thing to do.
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